i really miss Father R*[censored for privacy]. last night i was praying for him and the water works just start. i can't help but to cry a lot.
it didn't occur to me that i can be so attached to him unknowingly for just those 3 weeks. little did i know i can draw out every little single details of him - such as the wrinkles of his face, the combed back white hair.
it was during the attachment which i was stressed up to tears. i remembered crying silently beside his bed when the lights were out for the night. i know maybe it wasn't an appropriate thing for nurses to do, but i wanted to calm myself down by looking at his peaceful sleeping face. i think i must've woken him up or something. i recalled the tender way he asked if everything was alright ; if i was crying.
i remembered his state of dementia. thinking he was only 60 plus yrs old when he really was 90 plus. also the way he thought that he was still in his past days, thinking he has to go for a concert in Victoria Theatre. ooh, he was being so reluctant about it - asking if he really must go.
i really want to heal people like him. i want to have the power of healing pastor told us yesterday during service. so that people like him can live longer. i want to be able to go for a worship seminar where he will preach about God and His words. i want to listen to the calm, pleasing-to-the-ears voice, dripping heavily with American accent.
i was reminded of the praises his friends and sons had of him when they came to visit him. they told of the marvelous things he did and how he reached out to non-believers of Christ. he had been such a funny fella. always ready to put a smile on someone's face. i don't know if he's still alive. i'm very scared that he's gone.
but then again, like what sammy told me, even if he goes back to God, its not a bad thing. especially if he has finished what God has for him. cuz how long we stay on Earth, is for God to decide.
