i just got a letter from CGH, asking if i want to be bonded with them. i don't know if i should bond.there are too many thought in my mind. like, should i? what if i regret? what if i realise at the end of my poly life that nursing is not what i want to indulge in? if i were to give up on nursing, what kinda job will i be able to do in the future? what if my results can't make it and i have to pay back the bonding money? 900 dollars per month for year 2 adn 950 dollars per month for year 3. that's a huge sum of money for a student like me to pay back. what if CGH isn't the hospital i want to be in?
its so sad.my parents advised me to stick to CGH because it is very near to my house. so i don't have to be so tired travelling up and down. especially for morning shift. but i want to try out other hospitals such as NUH, SGH and KKH.
today vainpot staff nurse had a talk with me. i could have killed a patient because of my forgetfulness. a ECG technician asked me to inform a staff nurse that she has taken a patient's ECG and the result is that he has AMI. at that time i had no idea what was AMI and my mind was full with wound dressing as CI Cai just assessed me. and my team's SN was on break. so i completely forgot to inform. AMI means that the patient might have a heart attack any time. luckily the patient was alright or else i can never forgive myself.
but everyone was very kind to me. it hurts even more. when i walked pass the patient's bed, he smiled at me and i felt so guilty. an EN also pulled me to a corner to comfort me. she said that at the meeting they were helping me. they told sister and the nursing manager that they can't completely blame me because i am still a student nurse and i am still learn. the SN should have paid attention during report taking and do a follow-up.
i went to the toilet to cry for about 15 mins and fell asleep from all the exhaustion. then i went for break with bi zhen. when i was in the tea room for my 2nd break, sister came in. she didn't mention anything about yesterday's incident and treat me with that "potential nursing manager" affection as always. finally i found courage and told her that i am sorry. i was surprised when she pat my head and said that it is okay because i am still learning. as long as i don't do the same mistake.i felt so touched at that time and tears threatened to well up again.
thank you, God. for surrounding me with people as understanding and forgiving as them. also i have started to realise who are the people who truly loves me and are my true friends.thank you for letting our path in life cross. (:
