Saturday, October 08, 2005
haix. why must i always put on a smiley face when deep down, i am like so depressed? i dont want him to know my feelings for him so that our fwenship wounldnt b on the line. haix. somehow, he found out. i must be going insane. thoughts like getting drunk is going through my mind. on the 18th to the 20th of oct, me & my friends are having a chalet. jade, daniel thian and christopher are intending to buy alcohol. at first i dont wana drink. but now after what happened, i just wana get drank until i break down. what the hell am i doing? all my life i have been trying to prevent my world from falling apart. what was i tinking? my end of the year paper is just around the corner and i just cant get any facts into my brain. haix..okies. this is ridiculous. there is this guy-friend of mine whose birthday had just past. i gave hima cake and a handmade card. now everyone including him think that i like him. its like, huh? i mean ya, so i did give him tt cake and card. but what has that link to the idea that i like him? i have always see him as a good guy-friend. no strings attached. look, in the card i wrote stuffs like hey! its your birthday! blah blah blah.. then there's the birthday song. how more casual do u wan for u to not get the “I like him” idea? C’mon la. I do this kinda things for my friends. I mean, for jessica’s birthday, I actually organized a surprise party for her, I made her a dozen brownies and of course, a handmade card. For esther’s birthday, I made a card for her and went shopping with cindy and wei-qi for her presents. Does that mean I like them? Ya, as a friend but I m no les. Okies. So how abt kenny and calvin? I made each of them a card, brownies and bought kenny that bike tires he wanted. So does that mean I like them? No. there’s only a guy in my heart and he is the one I mentioned above. (the “get drunk” entry)
